One can dream but whether the dream comes true is a totally different story

I've always known that I am the type of person to keep everything to myself but I've never changed. I still bottle up all my sadness, anger and frustrations even when I know it is not good for my mental health. I feel like I'm fighting a lonely battle and I could call for help but I wouldn't. I silence my own thoughts, telling myself that everything will be better. All the negative thoughts then accumulate and when I finally break down, I feel stupid for keeping everything to myself but I never learn my lesson. 

Since young, I had always been a person who doesn't express my feelings well. I used to think that was fine but now that I'm a little more matured, I find that I'm a really selfish person. 

I used to think that I had strong willpower just because I would not cry very easily. I used to think that no one should cry that easily because tears show weaknesses. Growing up as a teenager, I found that the times that I have ever cried were all because I was feeling very sad. Sad about the people around me, about the situation that I am in, about life. 

I want to express myself better. I want to be able to cry when I feel touched by someone else's actions. I want to be able to cry when I don't want to let someone else go. I want to be able to cry when I feel strongly about something but is this all just so I can feel better?